So you’ve met someone online and you’re interested in getting to know them better. Where do you go from here? What do you ask that will engage them in conversation while at the same time not make them feel like they are being interrogated? Those early email conversations can be a very useful screening tool to help you figure out if you want to go further.
The main things that you have to determine right from the beginning are:
a) What is their relationship status?
b) What kind of relationship they are looking for?
The answers to these two questions should be answered in their profile on the online dating service. There is a good chance that you would not be matched with a person who is not what you are looking for in this regard. It’s a good idea, however, to be sure that the two of you are clear on these issues before you invest any of your time in this person. As a safety precaution, make sure that you match is not married, engaged or already in a long-term relationship.
Certainly, you should ask their age, their occupation, their religious beliefs and their thoughts about marriage and children. All these things typically matter a great deal and again you want to screen out right from the start those people who are not right for you.
If the person meets with your approval with the above criterion, you can progress to the business of finding out their interests and hobbies, their likes and dislikes.
Here are some unique questions you might ask:
- What is on your iPod right now? (What would you put on an iPod if you had one?)
- If you could only watch three TV show a week, what would they be?
- If you could eat any food that you wanted without any negative results, what would it be?
- Have you ever won an award or a contest?
- If you could have chosen to be born at any time in history, when would you choose?
- What jobs did you have as a teenager?
- What are your favorite fiction and non-fiction books?
- What the most memorable class you’ve ever taken?
Finally, if you are really interested in that person as more than an online fling, you will want to discern their values and gain insight into their personality.
If you determine the answers to these three questions, you will know a great deal about that person:
- What makes them laugh?
- What makes them cry?
- What makes them angry?
You will want to skillfully and intelligently navigate your way through this phase and you just might find a person with whom you are truly compatible.
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